what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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