Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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