Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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