Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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