he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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