You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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