my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
