We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
