He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
