The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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