What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
