we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
