official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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