If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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