you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I look better un-naked...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
