Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
