So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
