he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
