Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
