I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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