How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
