she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
