So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think people are normalizing furries
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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