We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
