I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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