It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
