Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
