I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
