I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
