I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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