you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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