U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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