This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
