He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
