sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
