She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
