i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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