She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
