I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
