So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
