Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
