Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
