Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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