We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
