he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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