I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
