I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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