I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
