She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
