I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
