so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
