If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
