Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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