I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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