Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
