i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
