So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dont even know how to be here
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
