So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
