Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Still dying that you shit outside
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
