we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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