The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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