The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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